Redefining Hero
by energetically.chary
Summary: The real Roy Harper wakes up after three years and he's got a lot of catching up to do in a world that's strange and familiar at the same time. And he's not the only one that has to adjust. Time may have stopped, but the world has moved on. T for safety.
1. Waking Up

**Redefining Hero **A Roy Harper Story

The real Roy Harper wakes up after three years and he's got a lot of catching up to do in a world that's strange and familiar at the same time. And he's not the only one that has to adjust. Time may have stopped, but the world has moved on. A different kind of journey that takes place for a hero that was given the short end of life and how he picks up, falters and ultimately discovers who he is a person.

A story of rediscovery in six parts.

Part 1 of 6: "Waking Up"

**Words: **3,028  
**Notes: **This story is dark, more so than the series probably is. It does take many elements from the comics and Roy's life story, but I do not ignore the fact that this _is set in the **Young Justice**__** universe**_**. **There will be moments when the characters are OOC and there will be things in chapters now that will not be explained until a later part. I'm assuming that this will be AU as of season two, _Invasion_, so don't expect it to follow canon to a 'T'.

I can't think of anything else, so without any further ado, _Redefining Hero_.  
Oh, spoilers for "Auld Acquaintances" if you have yet to watch it.

**Disclaimer: **Young Justice is a product of Warner Bros. Entertainment and DC Comics. I do not own any of the characters, only this plot line. I stand to make no profit from publishing this story whatsoever; I only desire feedback. In other words, I DO NO OWN :D

* * *

He gets his first breath of fresh air when his rescue team breaks him out of his pod. Barely, he can hear low voices murmuring and he feels a hand support him as he falls. It's cold and he knows only because he shivers and when he coughs, his throat burns. While his vision is blurry and weak, he can make out the pieces of glass and puddles of water on the ground. When he tries to recall why he's seeing the glass and water, the pain begins.

It hits him fast and hard, coursing through him like a disease that makes it feel as if his blood is on fire. He can barely _think_ through the feeling and he holds on to the person supporting him for dear life. He's also pretty sure that that odd sound is him screaming. Ordinarily, he'd chastise himself for showing this sort of weakness, but the circumstances are different and he's frightened because that sound doesn't sound like him.

The last thing Roy Harper recalls is seeing a face like his before the pain pushes him to the darkness.

* * *

There are small whispers when his eyes flutter open. Here, the lights are dull, the pain is gone and he feels only slightly groggy. Honestly, Roy feels like he went toe-to-toe with Superman. Five times. _And lost_. But the important thing is that he's awake, even if there's an IV drip in his left arm and his right arm is-

Roy sits up and the action makes his head pulsate, but he ignores the pain, too shocked to register anything else. Dimly, he hears chairs scraping, a door opening, someone yelling, "He's awake!" and more voices. But he's enraptured by what he sees. Or rather, what he doesn't.

"Where-where's my arm?" He manages to ask. Roy's impressed with how calm and level he's managed to keep his voice because insides, there are a million and one thoughts, emotions and scenarios running at the same time through him. He's anything _but_ calm.

A hand places itself on his back and Roy jumps at the contact, tearing his eyes away from his missing arm to look straight into Oliver Queen's mask-covered eyes. Even behind the domino mask, he could tell they look sad and regretful, but they drop away from Roy before the younger man can search his mentor's look any deeper.

"Calm down Roy, we're-"

"Do _not_ tell me to calm down, Ollie." Roy hisses. A part of him is appalled at the treatment of his surrogate father, but Ollie telling him to _calm down_ is fucking _stupid_. He holds up the stub that used to be his right arm. "What the _hell_ happened to my goddamn _arm_?" His voice has escalated to a yell and it's then that he realizes how raw his throat feels because it burns to raise his voice to this level. And it hurts him on the inside because he doesn't yell at Ollie like this, has never yelled at Ollie like this. Ollie took him in when no one else did. And this is how he repays him.

Ollie blinks and Roy can see the surprise on his face- Roy ignores it; he knows that at 15, he really shouldn't be using language like this, but he's being mentored by the Green Arrow and has the Green Lantern as his periodic mentor and constant Uncle. Roy was bound to pick up some language sooner or later.

"Roy!"

Both Ollie and Roy snap their heads to the door, where Dinah, in full Black Canary costume, is looking sheepish. She's not making eye contact with Roy either. "I'm sorry- I tried to stop them from coming in, but-"

Robin and Kid Flash, along with Aqualad are at his bedside and Roy's taken aback. His three friends don't look like the 10 and 13 year olds he's recalled working with. They look older. Significantly so and he feels only slightly guilty when their faces fall at his lack of response. They look like his three best friends, but they don't feel like it. And that makes all the difference in the world.

He looks past them and out the door, to where a small group has gathered at the doorway. He doesn't recognize any of them off the bat. But there's an archer there (she looks like she could be related to either Dinah or Ollie), a girl with green skin and dressed like Martian Manhunter (so he classifies her as Martian and decides she's of some relation), a boy who looks like Superman (his son, maybe?), Rocket (she looks older, too), Zatanna (he didn't know her dad let her out at all) and…and…

The heart monitor begins to beep rapidly and Roy is taking in breathes fast. Too fast. His mouth is moving, but no words are coming out and this time, he hears Ollie, Dinah, Dick, Wally and Kaldur telling him to calm down. He hears them, but it's a while before he listens. Between this and finding out that he's without a right arm, Roy figures that he was better off sleeping.

He turns to Ollie and he knows that the surprise, shock and that hint of fear is written all over his face. Roy can't find the energy or the motivation to even attempt to mask his emotions. It takes him a few tries to work his jaw again and another few tries to string words together. "Ollie…what happened to me?" He asks and his voice is barely a whisper as silence reigns in the hospital room, the others unable to find the words to explain at the moment.

* * *

It's too much to absorb at once. Too much has happened and he can't work through all of it. He so desperately wants to regard this as a horrible dream, but he's not going to be waking up anytime soon. Or at all, because this is his reality. Even if it feels like a nightmare.

His name is Roy Harper, but it's not just him who has that name. It's his clone's name too. His _clone_. The one that's been living as him for _three years._

He doesn't know what hurts worse: the fact that he was replaced so easily or the fact that no one could tell the difference.

"I'm 18?" He sputters when Ollie and Dinah, along with a few select others (his three best friends and their mentors, Uncle Hal and…his clone. Batman will debrief Wonder Woman and Superman later, he knows); try to debrief him on what's happened since his capture and his awakening. No wonder Robin, Kid Flash and Aqualad looked older to him; they aren't 10 and 13 anymore; they're 13 and 16 while he's _18_, a legal adult by all standards.

He still feels 15.

Batman actually looks sympathetic and that makes Roy feel even worse about his situation. Is it that _bad_ that even Batman feels the need to show emotion, and pity at that? So he's been kidnapped, clones and replaced for three years, infiltrated the Justice League through said clone for Vandal Savage and lost his right arm?

Yeah, it really is that bad.

"What's the last thing you remember?" Batman asks. At least his voice manages to hide any emotion and still retains the Dark Knight quality that Roy is now latching onto for some sort of familiarity. He doesn't think he can take _that_ much change at once.

Roy looks down at his lap, at his lone left hand and clenches it tightly into the hospital blanket. He's at the Cave's medicinal bay. Yet another thing that he has to wrap his mind around: the Young Justice.

"I was patrolling Star on my own that night. It-it was kind of cool, you know?" This memory is easy to pull up; it feels like yesterday that it happened. "Ollie and Hal had this huge mission and he trusted _me_ to watch over Star." There's no masking the awe and pride in his voice because Roy was proud that Ollie had vested enough trust in him for such a monumental task. The smile he has turns bitter when he recalls how wrong the night turned out, the last night before his three year incarceration.

* * *

_He's almost out of trick arrows, but that doesn't mean he's down. Ollie's taught him more than just using and relying solely on the bow and arrow. Not to mention that Black Canary has taught him a few things as well. Roy feels that he can hold his own; he has to._

_When he gets backed into a corner, his attacker is there with him. She looks around his age, but Roy knows that he shouldn't let that factor into his initial assessment of her. Age can be deceiving, a fact he knows well. And she has those two sais, and she knows how to use them, well. She's cut up almost every trick arrow he's shot at her. It's obvious that she's been trained and he wonders just how much of a chance he stands. _

_The only thing that throws him off is the mask with its ridiculous grin. _

_She slices through the last arrow he has (except for the quantum arrow; Roy's glad he left that at home…sort of) and she charges at him. From there, he knows that he has the disadvantage. He throws a punch and she blocks and retalitates, giving him barely enough response time to block on his own. She'll move at him with such speed and accuracy that it's only thanks to Canary's training he can even hope to counter. It's obvious to him that she's toying with him. _A cat playing with the mouse_. His main focuse is avoiding those sais. He's learned form experience to avoid sharp and pointy anything._

_But she's better than him. Her training in hand to hand combat shines through and he's only dabbled in it. The first cut is to his arm and it stings. He hisses and she laughst quietly from behind the mask._

"_Can't take a hit, pretty boy?" She teases._

_He narrows his eyes. "Bring it." He challenges._

_Eventually, he notices that his moves become slower and she manages to nick him a few more times; once on the left arm, and once on each leg. He realizes too late that he's been poisoned. A stupid rookie mistake that cost him what he knows is an important battle. All he can think of, as he's on his hands and knees, is how he's failed Ollie._

"_Who…who are you and what….do you want?" _

"_I want what the League of Shadows wants and they want you." She's smiling behind the mask ,he can tell, he can _hear _it and she squats to look him in the eye behind her mask. "I'm-"_

* * *

"Cheshire." Roy finishes.

The room is quiet, but Ollie looks like he's ready to beat himself up. Dick and Wally look somber, Dinah depressed. Batman's back to expressionless (Roy sighs internally), the Flash looks queasy and uncomfortable, Aquaman and Kaldur look serious, Uncle Hal looks ready to punch something and his clone? He clone is standing quietly in the corner, gripping his arms tightly. His best friends have filled Roy in on Cheshire's odd fixation on Red Arrow (Roy can't call him _Roy_, that's…beyond weird).

His capture was most likely her first mission. Of course she'd want to keep tabs on how he went.

In the silence, more memories surface and Roy knows he's not ready to share them with anyone. Brief flashes play in him mind: waking up in an unfamiliar environment, strapped down to a table, ready to be put under. A indescribable pain that he realizes now may be him losing his arm. Waiting for Ollie to rescue him, waiting for _anyone _to rescue him. Something they didn't do until three years later. Maybe, Roy thinks, maybe it was better never than later.

Ollie's arms envelop him in a hug, a rare display of affection, and Dinah is soon to follow. Roy stiffens under their gesture, but forces himself to relax and warp his left arm around them. One of them is crying because he feels the tears, but he's not judging (because it's most likely Dinah). None of the other heroes say anything about the display and how uncharacteristic it is of Ollie.

"I'm sorry, Roy. I'm so, so sorry." Ollie is whispering in his ear and Roy swallows thickly, closing his own eyes tightly.

"It's okay, Ollie. It's okay." He reassures him and whoever's sobbing cries harder because _everyone_ knows that that's a lie. Thing are far from okay and thing will probably never be okay.

* * *

Life has to move on, and though Roy feels far from ready, he has to move on as well. He's discharged from the Cave's medicinal bay and goes back to live with Ollie and Dinah in Star City. His clone continues to live in his rented apartment, attends college, and acts as Red Arrow.

Roy spends the first few weeks rebuilding his lost muscle. It's hard work and it hurts, but it's what he needs, The physical exertioin keeps him mind from wandering. Which is a small saving grace. Because when his mind wanders, he thinks of that night and all the different ways it could have goen and then he starts to question his relationship with Ollie. All that will do is lead him to cold sweats at night from nightmares and a broken trust in the man he considers his surrogate father.

When Red Arrow drops in occastionally, Roy disappears into training and studying, working twice as hard than on days when Red Arrow isn't there. They all know why Roy does it, but no one will ever voice the words aloud.

He brings up the subject of his arm one night at dinner, halfway through dessert, actually. "I want a prosthetic arm." He declares. While he's been training with one arm- Ollie and Dinah have helped him in developing stronger marital arts skills and Hal has begun coaching him in boxing- it's nto the same. There's a reason he wants his right arm back.

"You might now have your archery skills anymore." Dinah says quietly.

Roy closese his eyes and takes a deep breath. He _needs_ to hear those words because he knows it's the truth. It's not a matter of being able to reuse a bow and arrow; it's a matter of regaining his marksmanship. "I know, but I want to try. I _need_ to try."

Ollie and Dinah exchange a look and Roy is glad to see that at least the two are closer. It's been three years; he would have been disappointed if things had turned out otherwise.

"Alright. We'll talk to Red Tornado. Or the Atom." Ollie says with finality.

* * *

It takes a few weeks for Roy's prosthetic arm to be developed. He delves even deeper into his training and studies; the temptation of being able to use his bow and arrow again lights a new fire in him.

His new arm finally is ready and Roy has to tame any hopes and expectations he may have. Better to be pleasantly surprised than bitterly disappointed. However, he can't help the increased beating of his heart as he sits at a table in the Cave, Red Tornado and Atom fussing around with some last minute details.

It feels weird when they attach the arm. There's things happening on the molecular and biological level that he can't completely understand. But this arm reopens his severed nerves and connects to the arm, mimicking the nerves of a true human arm. The synapses don't just stop at the stub anymore; they'll travel to the fake nerves of his new arm. At least, that's the gist of what he understands from the fancy sounding explanation the Atom gives him.

"All right. Everything seems set." Atom pats Roy on the shoulder, before hopping down from it and returning to his 'regular' size. He joins Red Tornado at a nearby computer. "We just need to run through some basic tests, so we know your arm won't go haywire and kill you."

"It can do that?" Roy asks with some fear.

The Atom grins reassuadely, "Theoretically. But Tornado and I designed it ourselves. You've got nothing to worry aobut."

That does nothing to quell Roy's fears.

Red Tornado hooks Roy up to some machines and they begin testing. He has to perform basic function: moving the arm, moving the fingers, individually and as a whole, rotating the wrist and the arm, grabbing and picking up objects, putting them down. It's repetitive for the first few minutes an then them move to some more complex actions: blocking and throwing a punch, grabbing a knife, holding a gun, bracing the arm for impact against a wall….anything he may need to face should he decide to go back into the superhero business.

"…will I be able to use my bow and arrow again?" Roy finally asks after the battery of tests is over. There's a silence as Atom and Red Tornado shift uncomfortably and Roy squashes the urge to roll his eyes. "I'm not a child, Atom, I can take it."

Atom clears his throat. "We're not positive. Over time, of course, you could reuse a bow and arrow. Theoretically, your abilities may be compromised."

"It's more than theoretical. The chance of you regaining your marksmanship is almost zero." Red Tornado corrects and the Atom groans, burying his face in his hands. "We can mimic the human nerves and their functions. We cannot mimic its talent."

Roy flexes his new fingers and stares at his new arm as a whole. "But it's possible, right? The chance is almost zero, _not _zero?" He clarifies.

"Well, _yeah_." The Atom shrugs. "It's possible that you've retained that talent. But don't get your hopes up."

"It's possible." Roy repeats. "That's all I needed to hear." He has a chance because it's not zero. It's not impossible. He's going to take the first step of regaining control of his life. Things are definitely changing now that he's woken up.

* * *

**Review?**

.chary


	2. Catching Up

**Redefining Hero **A Roy Harper Story

The real Roy Harper wakes up after three years and he's got a lot of catching up to do in a world that's strange and familiar at the same time. And he's not the only one that has to adjust. Time may have stopped, but the world has moved on. A different kind of journey that takes place for a hero that was given the short end of life and how he picks up, falters and ultimately discovers who he is a person.

A story of rediscovery in six parts.

Part 2 of 6: "Catching Up"

**Words: **3,190  
**Notes:** A big THANK YOU to all those who reviewed and added this story to their alerts/subscriptions. It truly warms my heart to know that people are enjoying this.

A quick note on this chapter: I don't think it's as serious or as dark as the first chapter was. There's a lot of foreshadowing, I believe, but this is a bit more light-hearted. I promise that will definitely change next chapter.

**WARNING: **Mild spoiler for "Young Justice: Invasion". It just mentions a character at the end who will appear on second season.

**Disclaimer: **See Part one!

* * *

His shot is off by 3 mm. That doesn't' seem like much, but it _is._ Before, his shot was, at most, 0.001 mm off. Before, he could string and shoot without any hesitation. _Before_, he could confidently say he was a Master Archer. Before, he was Speedy. Before, he was Roy Harper. Before, he knew _who_ and _what _he was.

Now, he doesn't know anything at all, not even himself.

He knew that this wouldn't be easy. But he knew that he would try anyway. It was, literally, relearning everything Brave Bow had taught him, everything he had learned while his parents were alive, before they died, before his first mentor died and before Ollie found him. And while there are many frustrations involved in this, there is also a sense of relaxation in relearning. Roy finds that he is forced to revisit his roots and remember his past, remember the path he had to take to arrive at the spot he is right now.

The issue is that he draws with his right hand and his right has lost the connectivity that hit had when it was flesh. Metal lacks what can never be replaced or recreated. To overcome that, Roy knows that it's a simple idea of 'mind over matter'. He's having issues with that as well.

Surprisingly enough, it's Hal Jordan who helps him find a different outlet.

The Green Lantern of Sector 2814 (or one of them, really) drops by to pick Roy up as Hal Jordan. He throws a jacket at the young adult and tells him to get dressed; they're leaving in five minutes. Roy complies because he doesn't think he can handle another day of disappointment. Patience is something he has yet to develop and if he fails at regaining that expert marksmanship he once had with the bow, then his patience _will_ snap.

"Where are we going?" Roy asks as Hal drives. He doesn't recognize the scenery or the streets that they're passing by, but…then again, it _has_ been a while since he's been in this city. He shouldn't really be surprised that he doesn't recognize the streets.

"You'll see." Is the cryptic answer.

Roy knows better than to push Hal on this topic, so he occupies himself with his arm as he invariably does whenever he needs something to do. He flexes the fingers, rotates the joints, and just watches with utter fascination as it works. Even after having it for a while, it still feels weird to have the attached limb. It's a part of him, but at the same time, it's _not_.

Hal notices his musings. "Something wrong with the arm?"

"Besides the fact that it's not my arm?" It sounds bitterer than he intended and Hal's raised eyebrow confirms that. He fumbles for a recovery. "It's not that I'm ungrateful for the arm; it works like I need it to, but," he traces the odd ridges of the arm, the metal cool even now, "it's not the same. It's not…" He trials off and Hal doesn't say anything. He can't.

Because no one else understands.

At least, they arrive at a shooting ranger, and Hal throws Roy a grin. "I figure you might was well try a new weapon. Ever try shooting a gun?"

Roy gives Hal an 'are you kidding me?' look. "I can shoot an arrow from 200 meters with a 3mm margin of error with this arm. How hard can shooting a _gun_ be?"

"You'd be surprised." Hal's fighter pilot smile is back and Roy finds that he's itching to prove the Lantern wrong.

They put on goggles, ear plugs, and ear muffs when they're shown into the inner area of the range. Both shooters are using the same gun. The weapon is foreign to Roy, the feeling of this metal different than the material his custom bow is made of, but it feels…familiar. It feels right, like the first time he was given his current weapon of choice. There are no true words to describe it, but the gun feels like it belongs in his hands.

For Roy, there's no difficulty in lining up his shot and pulling the trigger. It comes almost natural to him to use the weapon. When he and Hal call forward their targets, Hal is impressed. The Green Lantern lets out a low whistle as he survey's Roy's target. Each bullet has been lodged into the center of the target; almost all of them have overlapped. Unlike Hal's target, where the bullet holes are every which way.

When Roy comments on that, Hal only has one thing to say in his defense. "Hey, I'm a better shot with my ring and better flier with my girl."

"Your girl?"

"My plane?"

Roy nods once, but can't help the grin on his face. It was a good idea for him to join Hal. He really does need this escape. But confusion is on his face as his Uncle Hal hands him another gun that's loaded and they set up another target.

"What are you-?"

"Just shut up and shoot Roy." Hal grins.

They put on their protective gear once more and Hal stays be Roy's side this time as the young man begins to shoot off the round. It's the same as before for Roy. The gun feels natural, like a bow. There's no pure connection between the bullets like there is with an arrow, but the feeling is the same. And he can't explain it; he _sees_ the target and knows he will hit his mark as many times as he needs to.

Because this time, he knows that he's not 3mm off. And he feels like he's 15 again.

When the target pulls forward, it's the same as before: perfect shots. Roy takes off his protective gear, but keeps the gun in his hands, a small smile on his face as Hal begins to comment on his marksmanship.

"I don't think you're just an expert archer anymore, Roy." Hal's grin mirrors his own.

He's not going to give up on his bow and arrow, but he thinks he's found a different outlet to use.

* * *

This is the first time that Hal and Ollie's arguments have reached this level. Sure, he's heard them argue and fight before, have seen them exchange blows and words, but this is a first for Roy . Because their yells are reaching alarming decibels and they've brought out their arrows and the power ring with intent to kill, it seems like. And unlike past altercations between them, this has reached a point, where, if not correctly resolved, could cause a permanent rift between two long time friends.

And Roy knows that he's at fault.

He and Dinah sit in a room adjacent to the one that Ollie and Hal are tearing up. Through the walls, which are no means thin, he hears their conversation. His knuckles are white from being clenched so tightly and even Dinah's hand on his back does nothing to soother his nerves. He's starts to regret letting Hal talk to Ollie about his new found ability. It sounded so simple when Hal explains it to him on the way back from the range: tell Ollie that he wants to train in weapons, not strictly bow and arrow.

"He'll understand." Hal assures. Famous last words.

"HE IS _NOT _USING A GUN!" Ollie yells. There's the sound of punches landing, another round of blows exchanged and some more yells, muffled by the grunts of pain and exertion of fighting.

"AND WHY THE HELL _NOT_, OLLIE? HE'S _GOOD _WITH THAT WEAPON AND I BET HE CAN BE EVEN BETTER IF YOU. GAVE. HIM. A _CHANCE_!" Each word of that last sentence is punctuated by a small blast from Hal's power ring and Roy digs his nails deeper into his palms, drawing blood. The house shakes from the fight and he wishes he'd never gone with Hal in the first place now. "He's got the potential to be a weapons _master_ and you won't let him. Why?"

"He's fine with what he's _got! _Those….those weapons you want him to try out? _Those are mercenary."_ The Emerald Archer's hiss comes out as a yell as well and there's a small explosion, presumably one of his trick arrows.

There's a small silence and it's not good. Roy feels the tension curling in the air. Something's building and it's in Hal because it's his turn to yell and dig deeper into Roy 's guilt. Dinah's hand curls into his shirt and her nails dig into his skin, but he says nothing. The pain is a good reminder of the reality he's in right now.

"Fine?" Hal laughs, and the sound sends shivers down everyone's back. "FINE? He's not _fine! _OPEN YOUR GODDAMN EYES OLLIE!" There's a small scuffle as Hal presumably tackles Ollie and a moment later, they burst through the door, rolling and wrestling with each other as they try to get punches in on the other. Hal ends up sitting on Ollie. "Stop being stupid!"

"Guys." Roy tries to cut in, but Hal and Ollie's voices overlap with each other, drowning out the archer they're arguing about. "Guys…" He tries again with the same results, except it seems that they've gotten louder, maybe in an attempt to drown him out altogether.

Dinah clears her throat and stands. Taking a deep breath, she screams, "BOYS!" her pitch escalating rapidly to hit her famed Canary Scream, the high sound causing the two to break up and cover their ears in an effort to protect their valued hearing. "Roy has something to say." She announces casually.

Roy shoots her a grateful look, though his ears aren't as grateful. "Ollie," his blue eyes lock with his mentor's green ones, "I'm siding with Hal on this. I want to learn to expand this…talent."

Ollie looks betrayed as he stands with some help from Hal. He's bleeding and his lip is cut. A black eye is starting to form around his left eye, but Roy sees his emotions clearly. "You're an _archer_, Roy. What you're talking about is like….like…like what Deathstroke **(1) **does."

"I'm not going to turn out like that." Roy deadpans.

"But you've got your arm back! You've been practicing your archery!" Ollie implores. "You-"

"Ollie." His voice is quiet as he cuts the Emerald Archer off. This is hurting them both as much as it hurts Dinah and Hal. But they need to address this illusion they've been hiding behind; this Roy Harper is not the same one that was kidnapped three years ago and they need to realize that. It's time to face reality. "Ollie…do you think I want to give up that ability? Would you rather that I mourn over the loss of an ability that I can never fully regain or develop a new talent that I've discovered?"

There's silence and Ollie struggles with Roy's words. "Would it help if I said that I believe you can do it?"

There are soft, hurting smiles all around and Roy shakes his head. "Not really. And I can't do it." The admission _kills_ a part of him. "Not anymore. The arm can string, but my mark's off." Roy's aware that he's shaking softly, but he keeps his eyes on the ground, glaring holes into the floor. "I can't be the Roy Harper you remember anymore."

There's a quiet silence as the truth of his words seeps into them. Their rose colored glasses have finally come off and it's harder to accept the world behind the color than any of them want to admit.

"I haven't been that Roy for three years. I need something different, Ollie, just like the world I'm living in."

"But it's the same!" Ollie protests.

Roy shakes his head. "We _are_ the same, but you that everything's different, too. And I need that something different. If that means giving up the bow and arrow as my primary weapons, then so be it." He looks at his surrogate father with a sad smile. "I'm not going to forget what you taught me, what Brave Bow taught me." Roy takes a deep breath. "But I can't be just an archer anymore, Ollie. I just…_can't_." He finishes lamely.

Ollie's face is as broken as Roy feels, but there is an understanding in his eyes. It will take time for the Emerald Archer to completely accept Roy's choice, but he understands and that's the first step.

And that's all Roy asks for.

Ollie comes by Roy's room three days later and tells him he gets it. And then he tells Roy that his training with Dinah will begin the next day. This is new to Roy and he asks why Dinah is teaching him.

"My pretty bird's got a lot of martial arts knowledge and there's a style she can teach you that I can't." Ollie says with a wink. Things are starting to slowly get back to normal.

Understandably, Roy's more than apprehensive when he arrives at the training room the next day. Dinah is all smiles as she beckons him to their training mat. Roy's fear grows a bit more. He's had Dinah previously as a teacher and she's been one of his teachers these past couple months. But he's heard stories and seen her in action. Of course he's worried.

"The style you're going to be learning is called Moo Gi Gong **(2)**. For what you're planning to do, it'll be the perfect style." She tells him and her smile is one that makes Roy even more worried.

But he nods as he realizes this is going to take everything he has.

It's a good thing he's willing to give that much.

* * *

The next few months are grueling. He experiences odd spasms with his arm, which Atom and Red Tornado have classified as a notion known as 'phantom limb'. But Roy refuses to let it deter him. In fact, he uses it as an excuse to train harder, a weakness he needs to overcome, to push more, and to give more.

Along with lessons from Canary, he's been training in various other weapons. That is, anything and everything he can get his hands on, that anyone in the League can find for him to use. His affinity isn't just for guns. Boomerangs, snipers, an electrified bolo….there hasn't been a weapon Roy hasn't been able to use. And when they say that _anything_ can be made into a lethal weapon, they mean anything. Because for Roy, that phrase has never been truer.

Before he knows it, he's turning 19. Well, he and his clone are. Odd as it may be, they throw a joint birthday party and invite the Young Justice and the Justice League. It's a costumed party and Roy manages to pull together a costume but not a name. They just introduce him as "Speedy" because not everyone knows that Red Arrow is his clone. But the atmosphere is still awkward and there is tension everywhere. While some try to dispel it, it hangs in the air. And Roy, despite being the 'original', feels like he's the odd one out. After all, he's the one who's been gone for the last couple of years.

Roy sighs to himself as he watches the other mingle. It isn't long before Aqualad, Robin and Kid Flash are by his side. Even their presence is a small comfort because even his three friends aren't who he recalls. Even they have moved on. And it's time Roy accepts that.

"Any reason you're not enjoying your own party?" Robin asks.

"Yeah. I mean, you're missing out on meeting some great people!" Kid Flash exclaims. "And some great food." He adds almost as an afterthought, bringing small smiles to the group's faces.

Aqualad places a hand on Roy's shoulders. "What's truly bothering you?"

Around these three, Roy knows he isn't afraid of being judged. So he scratches the back of his head and attempts to look sheepish; a foolish gesture around these three because they can see through the guise and straight to his insecurities.

"It…it just doesn't feel like this party is any bit _mine_." He finally confesses. "I mean, the last three years, this has become _his_ life, _his _Justice League, _his _friends in a Young Justice that was founded partly for _him_. I feel like _I'm_ the clone."

"Dude! Don't ever _think _that way!" Kid Flash's face is offended, but in the way that only a best friend can pull off. Which means that it's offending and understanding at the same time.

"Yeah, Roy. He may by your clone, but he's not you." Robin assures.

"Your fears are natural, Roy, but," Aqualad's smile softens, "you must have more faith in your friends and family. Though there are two of you, realize that we can distinguish between you and we do understand the differences. You have not been replaced."

Three sets of eyes are on Aqualad and a beat of silence passes before Roy snorts and smirks. "When did _you_ get so smart, fish boy?" He teases with a slug to the Atlantean's arm.

"Someone in the team had to be." He chuckles.

"HEY!" Kid Flash and Robin protest.

And just like that, some of Roy's fears are quelled. Not all, naturally, but a good amount of them. But he makes up his mind in that instant. He's not an archer anymore and it feels odd to choose a name that will confine him to one weapon. He needs a new name. A different identity. A new start.

"Hey." Kid Flash grabs their attention and is elbowing Robin multiple times in the ribs. "Um, Wonder Woman's coming this way." He whispers.

"But we've already met Wonder Girl!" Robin says.

"Just. Act. Calm." Aqualad advises.

Wonder Woman's not alone. There are two other females with her. Roy recognizes the blond one, the shortest of the three, as Cassie, Wonder Girl, who's joined the Young Justice. From what he's heard, she's a bit of a handful. It's the raven haired young woman who's unfamiliar, though she strongly resembles Wonder Woman.

The trio of females reaches them. "Hello boys. I know you're familiar with Cassandra, our newest Wonder Girl." Wonder Woman says by way of introduction. The blond crosses her arm and huffs.

Kid Flash sputters. "Wait, newest? You mean there's an old one?"

The two raven haired females exchange a smirk while Cass rolls her eyes.

"I wouldn't say I'm_ old._" The unfamiliar female laughs. She steps forward, dressed in a halter top and pants, both of which are black and shine like the night sky. Her wrist bands are the same as Wonder Woman's and Wonder Girl's and her belt and boots are all silver like the bands. Even her earrings are the same shade and where Wonder Woman's are in the shape of stars, hers are in the shape of crescent moons.

But it's her smile that catches Roy's attention.

She holds out a hand. "I'm the 'old' Wonder Girl. I'm known as Troia now." Her eyes lock with Roy's. "But you can call me Donna. Donna Troy."

* * *

(1): Deathstroke. Aka Slade Wilson. A prominent assassin/mercenary who has managed to elude capture. Think DC's version of a bad Captain America and a lesser version of Marvel's "Deadpool".

He's the main villain in Teen Titans: Slade. That was probably a better explanation, yeah? :D

(2): Moo Gi Gong: A weapons-based Korean martial art. It is actually 1/4 of the combat systems comprising the Hwa Rang Do martial art, focussing primarily on the mastery of external objects as weapons.Practitioners of Moo Gi Gong must master 108 different types of weaponry within 20 different categories. Mastery of the 108 weapons of Moo Gi Gong improves one's ability to improvise weapons and (more commonly) predict weapon usage by opponents. (taken from the DC Wikia Page)

**Ending notes: **For those of you who know Donna, don't worry, I'm not planning anything major for her yet. She's just there to placate me as she's _not_ the Wonder Girl in YJ from what I've heard. Oh and those who know what Roy's planning to do next, congratulations! And those who know Roy's history in the comics, that _other _person will show up. Yes, that's a hint/spoiler thing. Whatever you'd like to call it.

**Review?**

****.chary


	3. Breaking Down

**Redefining Hero **A Roy Harper Story

The real Roy Harper wakes up after three years and he's got a lot of catching up to do in a world that's strange and familiar at the same time. And he's not the only one that has to adjust. Time may have stopped, but the world has moved on. A different kind of journey that takes place for a hero that was given the short end of life and how he picks up, falters and ultimately discovers who he is a person.

A story of rediscovery in six parts.

Part 3 of 6: "Breaking Down"

**Words: **5,247

**Notes:** There are many things going on in this chapter, most especially the deviation from YJ and delving into Roy's comic history. I promise that it will be fixed next chapter but this chapter is a MAJOR part of this story, if not the most important. Because it's where he falters. There are topics here that are very sensitive and touchy for some but please don't let it deter you.

Just trust me.  
And please read the Author's Note at the end of the chapter. Thank you.

**WARNING: **There is drug usage in this chapter. Not heavily described.

**Disclaimer: **See Part one!

* * *

He chooses the name Arsenal for himself. It just…clicks. When he tells Ollie, Dinah and Hal about his name choice, they nod in approval. Ollie and Hal make a dirty joke about it while Roy groans and Dinah rolls her eyes and playfully slaps Ollie on the arm. Hoping to find more mature responses to his choice, Roy decides to tell his friends. They approve as well and Kid Flash attempts to make a joke, though his is watered down compared to Ollie and Hal's. Arsenal. The name rolls off his tongue and he feels that he could warm up to it over time, if he hasn't already.

After all, this is _his _identity.

"I'm going after Cheshire." He announces one day as Green Arrow and Red Arrow are suiting up. There's a beat of silence between Green Arrow and Arsenal as the other Arrow continues to suit up. Roy has wrestled with this decision for a while because he knows the ramifications of this choice should he make the wrong decisions.

"You sure you're up to it?" Ollie asks. The Emerald Archer won't bother talking Roy out of this; he understands the need to hunt down part of the past. It's part of the path that Roy need to walk down. But Ollie's afraid that Roy will be consumed by a darker drive; it's happened to the best in their business. The trick is to walk the line between revenge and closure; Ollie isn't sure Roy can do that just yet. Because Batman's the only one who's walked that line 'successfully' and he uses that term _very_ loosely.

"Doesn't matter if I am," Roy answers tersely, "I need some answers and I've waited long enough."

It's Red Arrow who places a hand on Roy's shoulder. The feeling of staring at a mirror is prominent and Roy is slightly taken aback by the motion and the feeling. He's kept his distance from Red Arrow for as long as he could, and vice versa, but it seems that tonight, both of them won't be able to run any longer.

There's conviction in Arrow's blue eyes, a sense of need that Roy is sure mirrors his own. "I'm coming with you." He says and his tone brooks no argument. When Roy _begins_ to argue, Arrow narrows his eyes. "This involves me as much as it does you. I have every right to do this and you know it."

Of _course _Roy knows. Both of them were wronged in this, but Roy _wants_ this to be _his_ own thing. He _needs_ it to be his own. Yet, this is his _clone_, so isn't it something _he_ needs too? There's a conflict of interests for Roy; part of this 'mission' is to find some answers for himself, about why _he _was the one chose. The other part is to give him a chance to be away from all of _this_.

There's a prolonged silence as the two mirror images stare each other down. Ollie busies himself with getting ready for patrol that night.

"No." Roy finally says.

Red Arrow's eyes narrow further. "And why the-"

"You've spent the last four years living as me. I think it's time I take back my life, don't you think?" He interrupts.

"Sure," Red Arrow's brows furrow, "but-"

"Finding Cheshire, _on my own_, is the first step in achieving that. And," Roy sheathes another curved knife, "I suggest you stop living _my_ life and live your own."

"Roy, that's-"

Arsenal leaves the room before Ollie can finish chastising him. A deeper part of Roy knows he should have agreed. But the bitter side of him doesn't want to allow Red Arrow that right. He's taken Roy's life, his mentor, his superhero path, his friends…Roy won't let him take his revenge.

* * *

His first few weeks are spent tracking down Cheshire's trail. And it's not an easy thing to do. After all, she's become a master assassin; he'd be disappointed if it was _easy_ to find her. But she's not the only one who's been practicing; he's been cultivating his detective skills and while they may not be as good as Batman's, he knows it'll be good enough to find Cheshire.

The trail heats up while he's in Brazil. He confronts her in a shady looking hotel, doing some mercenary work, unsurprisingly. Blood is a heavy scent in the room and she's finishing off the last of the bodyguards of the target she's just killed when he walks in armed and dangerous.

Her mask is still on, but he hears her laugh and one of her Sais is pointing at his replaced arm. "Oooh, aren't _you_ a big boy now?" She teases and slides nimble out of the way when he pulls the trigger. "Bullets? Really?"

"Just for you." He growls and ducks when she throws a few shuriken his way. As he hits the floor, he pulls the trigger on both guns, and she deflects them easily with her weapons.

"I'm flattered, really." She drawls. "But you know," he _hears_ her smirk, "I'm sort of seeing someone right now. He kind of looks like you." The bait is dangled so blatantly before Roy.

He bites. After all, his temper is the only thing he still hasn't reigned in yet, and coming face to face with the woman who all but took away his life is doing nothing to quell the silent rage that's been slowly burning in him the past couple of months.

In a flash, he reholsters his guns and pulls out the knives in his calf sheaths. With speed that doesn't befit someone of his build, he's lunges at her, managing to swipe her mask off her face. But her reflexes are just as quick as his, if not better, and she sidesteps Roy as he slashes again, blocking his attempted uppercut with her Sais.

"Someone's been practicing~" Cheshire sings and backflips out of Roy's way, landing with a slide as the floor is still coated with blood. "But I thought," another duck, "you," block and punch, "were," a grunt as Roy kicks her in the stomach and sends her crashing into a wall, "an archer?"

Cheshire picks herself up off the floor, grimacing as the blood of her victims cling onto her clothes. "Or maybe that's your clone?"

"Shut. The hell. _UP!" _Roy yells and throws a knife at her, and it somehow lodges itself into Cheshire's shoulder.

Both combatants freeze in surprise before Cheshire laughs. Her fingers curl around the handle of the blade and her lips smirk as she throws Roy a look that states how impressed she is. "Well, look at that. You _can _aim after all."

And out of seemingly nowhere, she pulls out smoke bombs and as the room is enveloped by the gray haze, Cheshire's laughing again, this time light and taunting. "Let's hope you bring a better game next time, _Arsenal._"

It's only after he's cleaned himself and berated himself for his poor control over his temper does he realize: Cheshire still has his knife.

He finds her four day later, in Indonesia. This time, he manages to stop her before she completes her assassination. And it doesn't make her happy. He shot the dagger out of her hand when he burst into the room and her intended target scrambled past him as he stared her down, not allowing shock to color his face; because she's actually quite attractive without the mask on.

Cheshire's smile is annoyed, but her eyes are twinkling. "Persistent aren't you? Shame I have to reschedule; I'm a bit preoccupied." She tries to move past him, to chase after her target, but Roy stops her by attempting to grab her wrist. It's the wrong move as she whirls and her nails leave raked scratch marks on his cheek. They both step back and he pulls a gun on her. With a smile befitting her namesake, she observes her nails. "Isn't using a gun a bit _extreme_ for heroes?"

A small chuckle escapes him and his smile turns almost cruel. "Whoever said I was a hero?" He pulls the trigger as she tries to lunge at him again, but the bullet only grazes her hair. He crouches to avoid the swing of the Sais she's pulled out and sweeps her feet out from under her. She pulls off a flip at the last second and they regard each other carefully.

"Mmmm…rebel, huh?" Her eyes travel up and down his form languidly, resting on his arm before she smiles finally. "Never told you that I liked your arm, did I?"

"No, but I'm sure you know how I lost the original."

Her eyes sparkle in realization. "Ah…is _that_ why you're pursuing me?" She chuckles. "Your Q and A will have a price, you know?"

His eyebrow quirks slightly at the purr in her voice. He doesn't know how he should feel about that. "I think my three year imprisonment and loss of _my arm_ is payment enough."

"I charge _very_ exorbitant rates." She says and her arm twitches in the smallest way, giving her next move away to Roy.

Instinctively, Roy raises his right arm in defense and her shurikens (no doubt poison laced) bounce off the metal and clatter harmlessly to the floor. He lashes out his left arm when he sees a flash of green try to step by him and brings his other arm around in an attempt to trap her.

Cheshire's head is a lot harder than he expects. She thunks her forehead against his and Roy staggers back and rubs the targeted area while she hisses in pain. They recover at the same time and lock eyes. Half a second later she's darting the opposite way towards the window and he's hot on her heels. Or at least, he deludes himself into thinking that.

Atop the roofs, he finds that she's disappeared and he doesn't know how. Somewhere, he knows, she's laughing at him.

Those first two meetings define his 'relationship' with Cheshire for the next few months. Most of his time is devoted to catching her for answers, but the confrontations become less confronting and more like…quirky dates. Roy, being under the care of Ollie and sometimes Hal, was ahead of his friends when it came to members of the opposite sex. So yes, he _knows_ that Cheshire flirts with him.

And yes, he flirts back.

She kisses him on their fifth encounter. He kisses her on the seventh. After that, things get steamier, even when his life is plagued by other events. It's gradually stopped becoming about the answers and more about seeing _her_. Roy doesn't recall when the change happened, or when it came, but somehow, through some sick cosmic joke, he thinks he's fallen in love with the assassin named Cheshire.

And Roy knows that it's _bad_, _wrong_, but it feels so. Damn. _Good_.

* * *

Roy takes his first shot in Myanmar, or Burma. He's been out of touch with the world for a while; the last time he talked to any of his friends and family was about a month and a half ago. The last time he's seen them was when he started hunting down Cheshire. That was about seven months ago. But they aren't trying to contact him and Roy's not exactly trying either. When he sees the news report, he thinks he understands why.

Back in America, Star City's Arrow 'family' have been making big headlines. The newest protégé, Artemis, is in the "Young Justice" (who have earned their respect in the hero community as well), but it's the duo that calls the most attention. Green and Red Arrow are commanding more fame than the Dynamic Duo of Gotham City.

He can't explain what drives him to do this. Maybe it's the footage of the Arrow duo working seamlessly together. Maybe it's the smile the Green Arrow gives his partner, a smile that Arsenal has always craved but never been given. Maybe it's the frustration of not being contacted for almost two months.

Aqualad's words haunt him. _'You are not being replaced._'

'_Lies.' _His mind screams at him. Maybe Aqualad was telling the truth, Roy doesn't know. But he does know this: he's hurt, he's angry and he needs an escape. And he's willing to try something he's spent his time as Speedy fighting against.

While the rest of the superhero community is combating this particular type of evil, Roy is going to embrace. After all, how bad can it be? Because, if he's been lied to before about certain things, who's to say he hasn't been lied to about this?

Since he's in Burma, it's really not that difficult to find a dealer. Just swing a dead cat and you're sure to find one. And find one Roy does and he takes back his purchases to his room and sets up his table. The liquid heroin, the needle, he sets down. It takes him but a moment to tie the piece of cloth he has around his arm and his vein is throbbing and he thinks this is a bad idea but, hey, how bad can it _really_ be? He goes through the steps meticulously; it wouldn't be very…_flattering_ if someone finds him dead on the ground because he didn't know how to shoot up properly.

They syringe provides him with an issue only because his right arm can't exactly manage it. Roy doesn't know if it's because the arm's not flesh, if it's because he's nervous, because he's excited or _what_. He figures it's an odd combination of the three. But he's finally managed to get a good grip on the syringe and next comes the difficult part. He's not used to using his robotic arm for something like _this_, so the first time he punctures himself, it hurts. But, Roy's okay and he tries again and he gets it this time. He gets it.

A few days later, he starts thinking.

He looks at the syringe that he hasn't touched since the first day, sitting so innocently on the table and he begins to contemplate: taking that hit wasn't so bad. He doesn't understand the big deal about drugs; it's not like they made him _do_ anything. The small amount he feels after taking the drug is almost the same as before he took it. There _is_ the small twinge of guilt in his chest when he admits to what he's done: he's injected heroin into himself. But…he's Roy freaking Harper. He's seen and done things that are considered impossible, worked with people that most consider untouchable. He's different from those addicted to these substances.

He'll know when to stop.

Roy keeps telling himself that after the second and third shots. By that time, he knows the right amount of pressure to keep the injection from hurting. A part of him knows he should be scared that he knows that, should feel guilty for succumbing to this feeling not twice or three times, but even once.

It gets to a point where he knows he hooked but he won't admit it. The shame of that would be impossible to bear, but he thinks he should go get help from Ollie and Dinah and Hal and everyone he trusts and he's scared, frightened but he's Roy Harper. So he swallows his damn pride and it's hard to stomach, and he returns to Star City. They'll sympathize, right?

The first thing he does is get in with the dealers. And he pays them in a different way. These guys are fixated on Ollie's arrows and Roy can supply those. He knows how, has his own supply that are almost like Ollie's. And that alone drives him to avoid telling his surrogate dad that he's back in town.

Ollie's protecting the city on his own recently, with Red Arrow being called more frequently on League missions. So one night, when Roy and a few others who are as addicted as him are hanging around, he should have known things would go downhill fast. Because the skeletons in the closet are always brought to light sooner or later.

The three of them are just sitting and talking and someone asks Roy about why he's taking these drugs. He declines to answer just as something green appears in the ceiling and, he wants to freeze or run and hide or just die, but it's Hal and Ollie in Lantern and Arrow gear. Lantern catches the two who run away, and they're screaming and ranting about how they're clean and Green Arrow threatens them with jail.

Roy decides that's a good a time as any to make his presence known. "You gonna lock me up too, Green Arrow?"

The Emerald Archer turns and his face brightens. "Roy! Well, I figured I'd find you here!"

That throws Roy off. "You-you did?"

"Well, with drug problems increasing here, I figured it had something to do with more than just your average crime lord. And I figured you might be on the track while following Cheshire. You always liked playing undercover agent." He reminisces fondly

"Right. Undercover." Roy nods and Ollie tells him to head to the house while he and Hal drop the other two off somewhere. And when they disappear, Roy lets out a shaky breath because he can feel that something big's about to happen and he's nowhere near prepared.

"I still don't understand why people would do this type of thing…." Green Lantern shakes his head sadly as he walks around the living room, after he and Ollie have dropped the junkies off. Walking helps him think, helps him try to _fathom_ how snorting or shooting a lethal substance could be glorified so much.

Roy clears his throat but keeps his eyes on the ground. "Maybe I can shed some light on that, GL." He sighs deeply and clasps his hands together. "Let's just say…there's this guy, right? And he has this person he looks up to, a lot. Someone older. And let's just say that one day this older person forgets about the guy and _replaces_ him, you know?" He wonders if they can hear the uneasiness in his voice. "Maybe…then maybe the guy will need something to substitute for that lost friendship…he might find it in these drugs."

The green clad heroes exchange looks and Green Arrow can't help but smirk. "_Jesus_, Roy. All you need is some sad music for that tale! Don't you know that I lose my lunch everytime I hear a sob story like that?" He chuckles and pats Green Lantern on the back as the guardian of the sector walks out the front door.

Outside, Green Arrow chuckles. "Can you believe that? Anyway, you're welcome to stay the night if you want, Hal. I'm sure the couch's comfortable."

"No, no, Coast needs me too. But I'll see you in the morning and we can keep at this case." He says, lighting up his ring. "You think…you think Roy's trying to tell us something?"

"Roy? Pfft, _nah_!" Ollie waves his hand dismissively. "That boy's always been like that, you know?" As his friend flies away, Green Arrow waves before turning to head back into the house. Roy's not where he was in the living room so Ollie shuffles off his quiver and sets down his bow as he searches for him. "Roy! I'm going to cook some of my special chili; you want some?" There's no answer, but there's a light on in Roy's room and Ollie invites himself in.

And is disturbed by what he finds.

"Oh, dear god! You _are_ on drugs!" Ollie exclaims as he walks into the room and catches Roy, his _son_, just about to shoot himself up. "You're really a junkie?" He's not sure if that came out as a whisper or a yell. Maybe it was between the two.

"Who _else_ did you think I was talking about?" Roy says with a bitter smile, gripping his forearm tightly. "_Wally?" _He barks out a laugh and sets down the needle as Ollie stands stunned at the doorway for a moment.

But only for a moment.

The disbelief in the older man's eyes quickly gives way to a hotter emotion; rage rushes in, pure, raw and at a level so intense, it's like Ollie's green eyes are burning brighter than a Lantern's ring. He reaches Roy in one stride and picks up his son by the collar of his shirt and before he knows it, Roy's being flung out the doorway. Ollie's hand stings and he makes the connection.

He just punched Roy. _Roy. _Who's doing drugs. _Roy._ _His Roy._ For a brief moment, the anger is replaced by a guilt that pierces his soul. He's hit Roy. He doesn't _want_ to believe his eyes. Roy wouldn't do something like that. It's like he doesn't even know his own _son_. And that thought alone brings back the anger, sweeps away any sympathy he has and the rage that is in him is something Ollie has never felt before and he snaps because the pain is too much and he doesn't know how to deal with it any other way.

"YOU'RE A LOUSY _JUNKIE_! NO BETTER THAN THE REST OF THOSE PUNKS!" He roars and he grabs the item nearest to him, chucking it at the wall just behind Roy. The picture frame smashes as Roy tries to pick himself up off the ground.

"And hitting me will make you feel better? Then you should do it again!" The red head on the floor spits at him.

"Maybe you're right! What the hell were you _thinking?_ Oh, wait. YOU WEREN'T!"

"Sorry that I can't get high off self-righteousness like you!" Roy snaps back. "Or that I'm not the Roy Harper you want! Isn't that why you replaced me?"

"SHUT UP! I'm not interested in hearing your fucking excuses! Hell, I'm not interested in _you! _Not anymore. Just. Get. OUT!" Ollie can't even stand to look at the boy he considered his son as Roy drags his body up and manages to walk to the door.

He pauses there. "Don't worry. I'm going."

* * *

The next thing Roy recalls is waking up in a room that's not his. But he knows whose it is. He's in Hal's apartment, in Coast City. He wonders how he managed to make it from Star City to Coast City without dying at some point. His head is pounding as he tries to bring up the memories and he suddenly wishes he hadn't.

_He's managed to make it to Chinatown; it's where they all go when they need a hit, need a fix and need it fast. At least, that's why he thinks he's there. His mind's muddled and he can't think clearly or logically for that matter. That's probably why he ends up in the alleyway, making his bed among the trash and the garbage cans._

_He doesn't know how long he's been lying there but there's a bright light, green. Green…_GREEN! _It's too bright though and he moans, trying to retreat deeper into the darkness. But the light's persistent and suddenly, Green Lantern's there, shining that light directly on him._

"_Roy! Hey, you okay?" _

_The question's stupid and they both know it._

"_S-sure…I'm _fine!_ My gut's on f-fire…..chills….hands shaking…." He shudders and resists the urge to vomit. "Yeah. I'm in great fucking shape."_

_Green Lantern's helping support him and he's holding onto him right now like Roy's the most fragile thing he's seen. "What's wrong? What are you doing here? In the freaking alley?"_

_He laughs, but it's cut off quickly because he feels like hurling. "What's wrong is that I'm a junkie who needed a fucking fix." _

"_I'll get you to a doctor! Come on!" There's panic in Hal's voice laced with a twinge of disbelief. Seeing his almost nephew like this is killing him and it frightens him because he doesn't know what to do._

_Roy reaches out for Hal's arm and his blue eyes are wide as he stares at the Green Lantern. "NO! I've gotta….kick this habit on my own. Prove…prove to Ollie that I'm as strong as him." Roy takes a breath. "Then…I'm gonna laugh at him." _

_Hal's hand keeps Roy steady as the young man struggles to stand. "I'm not sure that's a good idea. I've no experience with drug withdrawal, Roy. But I can take you to my place." _

_The flight to Coast is riddled with conversation; Roy recalls trying to explain his reasons to Hal but it's blurry at the most. When they reach Hal's place, Roy slumps to the ground and Hal places a call to Dinah, who's in the area because when Ollie wanted Hal to crack the drug case with him, the Black Canary offered to take over as Coast's guardian for the while. _

_She arrives in almost no time flat. _

_And Roy has to explain again to Dinah what's occurred and he curls up against the wall, hugging himself, trying to avoid human contact. When Dinah tries to comfort him, he shrugs off her arm and snaps at her. "Just leave me alone, damn it!"_

_There are tears forming in her eyes and she bites her lip to keep from sobbing but Roy's not that strong right now. He thinks he can feel the tears prickle his eyes and he staggers to Hal's sink and runs the water, sticking his head in the flow. Something, _anything_ to wash this away._

_But he can't support himself for long and he sinks to the ground again, crying and he doesn't even know why. This time, when Dinah offers comfort, he doesn't reject it. He leans into her touch and sobs on her shoulder, hugging her for dear life and is glad that at least his pain can come in the form of tears, not drugs._

_Hal is shaking his head from the entrance to the kitchen. "Where are we supposed to go from here?" The question is mostly to himself, meant to be unheard._

_Roy wishes he knew the answer._

* * *

This reminds him of the time when Hal and Ollie argued about allowing him to train as a weapons expert. The time seems so far away now and Roy wistfully recalls how that day seemed to be one of the worst. Now, he sees that it was only a precursor to this day, to this argument, to _this_ defining moment. And he can't believe that Hal is still sticking up for him. The trust his Uncle has in him is astounding and Roy knows he doesn't deserve it. He doesn't deserve anything.

The scene is different, as are the circumstances, but the feeling's the same. Part of Roy wants to have another fix, craves it. He needs to escape this reality and just _go_. But that's what lands him here in the first place; his inability to face his life, to learn how to deal. Instead, he chose to escape and it's Hal who had to rescue him, and it's Ollie who's going to have to snap him back to reality, even if it kills them both. Even if their relationship will never be the same.

Because Roy has crossed a line that can't be forgiven, no matter how sorry he is.

"What do you want me to do, Hal? The kid's a fucking addict!" Ollie's voice carries through wall of Hal's living room. He hears the disgust and disappointment, can hear the disbelief and the hurt.

"You ever stop to think why he ended up that way?" Hal's voice snaps back and Roy is in disbelief over this still. For as long as he has remembered, Hal and Ollie have been friends. Even when Roy decided to train with other weapons, the fight that should have driven two friends apart only helped to bring them a bit closer together. The tone of this argument is different. One wrong word, wrong step from either of them, and years of friendship will vanish.

"I taught him to be strong, to be independent, to _hang _tough. Obviously, I didn't raise him right."

The words hurt and cut deeper than Roy is comfortable admitting.

"No. _You didn't raise him at all._" Hal's voice drips with pure venom and that _really_ wakes Roy up. He pulls himself out of the bed and tiptoes to the door, peeking to glance at the living room. Hal and Ollie are standing off against each other in civilian clothing, but the ring on Hal's finger glows brightly and Ollie grips his bow with enough pressure that it should crack. "He needed HELP after the ordeal with Cheshire and, hell, even before that! HE WOKE UP AFTER THREE YEARS IN CAPTIVITY and _you did nothing!_"

Ollie backs up, defensive. "I TRIED! I LET HIM DO WHAT HE WANTED TO DO! What else was there?"

"You didn't let him do what he _needed_ to do. And that was follow you. He was lost, Ollie! Of course drugs were his only option!" Hal yells. "What was he supposed to do? Talk to you? In case you didn't notice, he's tried that before and you shut him down!"

"I found my own path when I became Green Arrow." Ollie hisses and his eyes are narrowed into slits. " Roy was supposed to do the same. He could have done the same. What he did? That was a cop out and you and I both know it. He doesn't need the attention at that age so don't you _dare_ pin this on me!" The Emerald Archer exhales deeply. "He's not my son. Not right now."

When the door slams and signals Ollie's departure, Hal sinks into his couch. "He doesn't' mean it." He tells Roy without turning around. The Green Lantern lets the emotional drain of the argument show on him; he body limps and his head falls back, his eyes closed and his face in a muted sort of pain. The kind of pain that occurs when you've fought with one of your best friends and you know that things won't be remedied for a while. If ever.

Roy joins Hal on the couch. "Didn't sound like that to me."

Hal groans and pinches the bridge of his nose. "Ollie…he doesn't know how to deal with this. Frankly, neither do I, Roy. He'll come around. Eventually. This is….it's a big blow for him." He says quietly. In truth, neither of them know when or if Ollie will recover from this.

But Roy knows that _he_ will. He's lost an important relationship with Ollie and he considers himself lucky that Hal and Dinah, even his friends, have accepted that he's made a major mistake. They will forgive him with time. Ollie will be up in the air, but that convinces Roy more to give up on his escape, to never look at heroin again and think of it as a chance to run away. Because he meant it when he said he was going to kick this habit and rub it in Ollie's face. He knows that Ollie's not entirely blameless in this situation, but Roy's not going to judge his surrogate father's inability to own up to his actions. Or lack of.

He's tired of running and he's tired of going at it alone. Roy knows he needs help and he's willing to accept it this time. After all, he's not the only one running a race.

* * *

**Author's note: **First off: In no way, shape or form, do I or have I ever condoned the usage of illegal substances. I do not think they are or will ever be the answer to anything. However, it was necessary to include it in this story as it is a big part of what comic writes did to him. The story it was exposed in actually won a prize. That whole explanation on the story, "Snowbirds Don't Fly" can be found on my profile page at the bottom of my profile.

Second, if you have an aversion to Roy/Cheshire and don't see how it came to be in this, my failsafe: It's canon. It really is. And it'll bring up some fun confrontations in the future, yeah?

Finally, this chapter was very difficult to write. It probably underwent about four or five rewrites and edits. Parts were added or taken away and this wasn't written in one sitting like usual. I had some help in the drug scenes because I couldn't write that on my own and make it realistic enough. Your feedback is **greatly appreciated and needed. This chapter is the turning point of the whole story, in my opinion.**Any comment, questions or concerns that are directed to me could and probably _will_ influence how the rest of the story is written.

I want to thank you for taking the time to read this and read the note and thank you to all who have reviewed, alerted, or added this to their favorites. It's truly an honor.

.chary


	4. Finding Yourself

**Redefining Hero **A Roy Harper Story

The real Roy Harper wakes up after three years and he's got a lot of catching up to do in a world that's strange and familiar at the same time. And he's not the only one that has to adjust. Time may have stopped, but the world has moved on. A different kind of journey that takes place for a hero that was given the short end of life and how he picks up, falters and ultimately discovers who he is a person.

A story of rediscovery in six parts.

Part 4 of 6: "Finding Yourself"

**Words: **4,294  
**Notes:** Again, thank you to all who reviewed or alerted last chapter. Though I admit I was a bit disappointed by lack of response; chapter three was a huge part of this story. But that's okay.

So, I know I was gone for a while, but I needed to examine this chapter from a lot of angles. It was difficult deciding what event should come next, though many of you comic readers did guess correctly.  
Anyway, longer Author's Note at the end, so I hope you enjoy part four!

By the way, "Invasion" is turning out to be quite the season, huh? I hope you guys saw the preview for episode four because…hehe. Yup.

Oh and this is definitely AU from Season Two as my timeline doesn't even come close to matching theirs. And I took a lot of liberties in the third section. Just a warning: it might not make sense.

**Disclaimer: **See Part one!

* * *

On his 20th birthday, Roy decides to change his life.

The only way he can _truly_ get on his own again is to get away from everything and everyone. He needs his own city to protect, to all his own. Which is why he chooses Steel City to make _his_. Because it's a city so messed up as he is and he figures he needs that. Reform it as he reforms himself.

His apartment is shabby, the paint's peeling off the walls, the lights flicker on and off, the bathroom's a _nightmare_, the bedroom's in tatters, but it's his. The apartment is broken and it needs a lot of work. The thought makes Roy smile because his apartment is just like him and this city is just like him.

They've got a lot of work to do.

After Roy cleans out the apartment (the furniture looks as dirty as the city and there is no way in _hell_ that he is sleeping on that mattress), he starts to make it really his. And he has help; after all, it's not every day someone on the team gets an apartment. Well, someone that they _know_. Out of guilt and courtesy, he invites the Team, Hal, Dinah and….Ollie and Red Arrow.

Ollie doesn't respond to the invitation and neither does Red Arrow, but everyone else does; it's going to be a _hell_ of a decorating party.

As he reaches his apartment after purchasing food and supplies, Roy realizes that tomorrow, or later, is his first online class. He's excited for it; he never thought he'd say that about school. But he's been cleared by the Batman (who the hell died and made _him_ authority?) for his high school GED. And with his hero life about to kick back in, Roy accepts the fact that he has to take his college classes in a different way.

It feels good to know that he's gaining control of his life again.

Wally, Dick and Kal are the first to arrive and they greet Roy exuberantly. It still fazes Roy to see his close friends grown up, but he's content in knowing that at least this time, he's there with them. He knows that he'll have to explain to them sooner or later about why he's choosing to move away from Ollie and into _Steel_ of all places, but for now, it's just about the fun in decorating.

Dick and Kal help him move whatever is left that needs to be moved while Wally, bless his speed, sets up the tarp, the painter's tape and the paint. They're just getting ready to start when Hal and Dinah show up, Artemis in tow with them.

Roy puts on a record that he hasn't heard in years (it's on vinyl, that's how old it is) and when the others ask him what he's put on, he smiles and tells them, "Snowbird."

The decorating party goes as Roy expects it to: there's more paint of him, Dick, and Wally and on the tarps than on the walls. Artemis and Dinah are the mature ones, finishing their room quickly and efficiently. There's not a drop of paint on them. Even Hal and Kaldur manage to finish with minimal damages. It's the trio that has trouble with painting the walls.

"20 years old and with the mentality of a ten year old." Dinah comments as she and Artemis walk into the living room on the way to the kitchen for some drinks. The smile on her face tells Roy all he needs to know about her real thoughts and he smiles back.

"Hey, we got _something_ done!" Wally protests, indignant.

"Yeah, each other. Blue doesn't really suit you or Roy as a skin color." Hal says off-handedly. "I thought this was an apartment decorating party, not a decorate each other party."

"Fine, fine. We'll finish." Roy grumbles, turning to continue the job properly with his two partners in crime.

It feels too soon that everyone has to leave and there are promises made to call and hang out, promises that they will be hard pressed to keep. It's a hazard of the life they choose to live.

"We need to talk." Artemis says curtly after everyone has left.

Roy quirks an eyebrow, but nods. He figures that Artemis needs to talk to him about Ollie or something about her archery. From what he's seen, she's good and there's not many pointers he can give-

"Are you dating my sister?"

He blinks. "Um, I'm not dating anyone." Maybe she's mistaken him for his clone; although with the significant differences in their arms, he wonders how that even possible.

"Let me rephrase: are you in a relationship with Jade Nguyen, the assassin known as Cheshire?"

The color drains from Roy's face. "Holy shit! _You're_ Jade's sister?" He has to take a moment to let that sink in. "Wow, I did _not_ see that coming. Er," he scratches the back of his head, "we're not in a relationship, per se-"

"Good," Artemis cuts him off, "word of advice: _don't_ get in a relationship with her. It's the best for both of you. She's still my sister, crazy assassin and all, so I don't want to see her hurt."

"Protective, huh?"

Artemis gives him a dry look. "Let me put it this way: you hurt her, and you'll get seriously shafted."

As Artemis leaves, Roy doesn't bother to tell her that her fears are ungrounded. He hasn't seen Cheshire in a few months.

* * *

He keeps his breaths even and cam as he approaches the door, handgun grasped by his left hand (his robotic arm is always left at home when he's not Arsenal; it'd be too easy to connect Arsenal to Roy Harper otherwise). There's something, or someone, waiting for him behind that door and by the way his instincts are on high alert, he knows it's not friendly. Adrenaline rushes through his body and his blood roars in his ears as he mental prepares himself for a battle that may or may not occur the moment he kicks down that door.

On the count of three, Roy delivers a strong kick to the door near the lock, the structure's weak point and the object nearly breaks off the hinges. It clashes violently with his wall, but Roy is already in his apartment, his eyes marking his target, not allowing his surprise to register on his face as it rushes into him. Suddenly, the adrenaline is replaced by wariness and his eyes narrow at the person who stands before him. The trigger is tight under his finger and he keeps it ready to be pulled.

Jade Nguyen hasn't changed much since the last time Roy has seen her. Her black hair has grown longer, dropping in curls and waves that make her much more alluring than is safe, but her eyes and her smile are the same as ever: predatory. He refuses to drop his guard around her, and his muscles are tense as she gives him a curling smile, one that has won him to her bed many times, even in the midst of their arguments and their scrimmages. But, Roy notices this as he looks at her closely, there is something different about her, something…more mature. It isn't to say she was immature before, but Jade looks like she's gained knowledge, has been shown something and gained an understanding.

It hits Roy at that moment that _Jade Nguyen_ is standing in his living room (if one could call it that in his shabby apartment). And while that shouldn't be a surprise, given their….unorthodox relationship, it is. Because Roy has never given her his name, given her a hint of who he is; all information about their private lives has been volunteered by her alone. It's a choice that he wonders why she made and that has him questioning her choices every day.

The surprise of the revelations flickers across his face, most especially in his eyes. It's brief, but it's enough for Jade to catch and she takes a step towards him. He takes a step back and narrows his eyes further, adding just a bit more pressure to the trigger to prove to her that he will pull it if need be. Her smile only widens and there's mirth dancing behind her eyes.

"Long time no see, _Roy._" His name rolls off her tongue like a subtle caress and he tries not to let it affect him. But he's still a man and she's been one of his best lays and not many women can compare to the fire and passion that Jade had ignited in him when they had sex. Her eyes focus solely on him with such intensity that Roy feels his body react and curses his hormones to the ends of the earth for that. Her nails drag slowly against the fabric of the couch as she takes slow and deliberate steps towards him and he's too frozen to his spot to do anything but keep eye contact. She pushes the gun away and trails her fingers up his chest, tantalizing slow but he refuses to make a sound. Her eyes pin him down with a different sort of fire. "You're a very difficult man to track down."

It's an accusation and Roy notices that her smile has tightened and lost any sort of sultry qualities. She's pissed and he's at a loss as to why. He quirks his eyebrow at her and clears his throat, not wanting to have audible proof the effect she has on him at the moment. "There's a reason for that. They're called secret identities for a reason." He retorts easily, his smile charming and beckoning.

Jade rolls her eyes and turns on her heels, throwing him an annoyed look over her shoulder. "All this secrecy is so…annoying. I trusted you with my identity; was it too much to ask for yours?"

"Yes." He replies without skipping a beat. "You're an assassin, Jade." He says as if that explains it all.

And really, it does. She knows it too, by the way she laughs softly and begins to trace patterns on his couch. "It wouldn't have mattered either way, if someone had hired me to assassinate you."

Ah. Roy nods and pulls up the gun again. "That why you're here?"

"Don't be silly. If I was here to kill you, you'd already be dead." She tuts her tongue in reprimand at him and pauses in her doodles. "I want to kill you. Every part of me has the right to." She resumes the doodles and focuses her gaze on the patterns her fingers are tracing. "You walked out on me without a single word, Roy. You stopped the game."

He blinks. "Jade, I-"

"_Don't_ 'Jade' me!" She cuts him off viciously and her nail pierces the fabric of the furniture as her ire flares and her eyes burn. If she had heat vision, his couch would have already been reduced to ashes. "You walked out on my _life_ and it hurt. More than I care to admit." She pauses again. "I didn't even feel hurt when Artemis turned her back on me and decided to go straight. So I couldn't _fathom_ why it would hurt when someone like you, broken and lost and so easy to manipulate, could have this effect on me."

Part of him takes offense to that, but it's the truth, he guesses. Those first few months tracking her, he was still reeling from his new life, his new arm. And when he left her, it had been to deal with the drugs and Ollie and, to be honest; Jade hadn't crossed his mind until Artemis had brought her up at his apartment party. He still loves her, he knows, because seeing her here, despite her talk about killing him, awakens something in him.

"Jade," he tries again and her eyes snap up to meet his, anger and pain displayed so clearly in her eyes that it startles him. "Jade…I didn't mean to just leave you hanging. I-" Roy clears his throat because he doesn't like to talk to anyone about this particular road; it's been laid too freshly in his mind still, "I had to clear things up in my life. Drug problems."

The anger dulls slightly but she's still angry and hurt. He understands. Too well, he understands. She feels betrayed and left behind by someone she probably assumed cared for her. Given her family, Roy understands that his actions are magnified and have probably hurt her more than is normal.

"You still left me. You could have come to _me_ for help, Roy." She whispers and the hate is back in her eyes, filling them so fast that he takes a step back in shock. "I could have _helped you_, I could have comforted you and guided you through this. I understood you when no one else did, when they saw you only as the shadow of _your clone_. I- _I loved you._" She hisses and her fingers dig another hole into the couch.

She moves faster than he expects and he's caught offguard by both her speed and her choice. He's on the ground under her and the gun has skidded away from him, out of his reach as she pins him to the ground, her face twisted in rage.

"I should kill you. I _could_ kill you. I _can't_." Jade murmurs to herself more than him as she scrapes his chest, drawing blood to cause Roy to hiss. "But yet, I _can't_. You, Roy Harper, are my one weakness." Her eyes draw up to meet his. "I hate you for that, will forever hate you for that."

He swallows thickly and the tension stays in him as she pulls herself off him. "Is that the reason you came here? To tell me that?"

In an instant, Jade's demeanor changes. She looks frantic, suddenly and afraid. It strikes Roy as he stands because she looks like a woman lost, like of the women he sees hurrying home from work before the things that go bump in the night can catch her She looks, _vulnerable._ Hesitant, he steps forward, placing a hand on her shoulder. She tenses, but does nothing. It scares him how she changes between her emotions so quickly. "Jade?"

Her figure trembles and he prepares himself for any fight from her but she just takes a deep breath and exhales slowly, her trembles giving way to shudders before she is still. "I came here to ask, no, to demand a favor from you. Actually, it's more of your responsibility."

With that, she begins to stalk down to his bedroom, leaving Roy no choice but to follow her. She pauses at the closed door and gives him one last look, as if assessing him, but opens the door with a silence possessed only by her.

Roy sucks in a deep breath when he sees the sleeping figure on his bed. A baby. Curled and tucked in a blanket, deep asleep. He gives Jade a disbelieving look as she closes the distance between her and the infant, scooping the baby up in her eyes in movements that made it crystal clear to Roy that she had done this many times. And that look in her eyes….he realized with a start that this was _Jade's _child. Her child.

"You…you brought your child here?" He chokes out in a whisper.

She stiffens and nods once, her eyes on the bundle in her arms. But after a few beats of silence, she looks up at him. "Daughter, Roy…._our_ daughter." She stumbles on the collective noun, but she recovers with a look that dares him to argue.

And he does want to. "Impossible." Is the first word out of his mouth and her eyes narrow again. He can't accept the fact that he has a daughter, that half of that little girl belongs to him. "She _can't_ be my daughter!" He protests vehemently and backs up against the wall, eyes wide.

Jade rolls her eyes and stands, approaching him with the little girl in her arms. "It's not impossible, Roy. Think. When was the last time we saw each other and had sex?" She asks bluntly.

The answer hits him like a ton of bricks (and he knows how that feels like thanks to a mission a few weeks ago). "Almost nine months ago." He whispers. The memories of that night are a blur to him, but he can't deny that it has been almost nine months since he'd last slept with Jade. He should demand a paternity test, the rational side of him says, but the emotional side of his _knows_ almost instinctively that that girl in Jade's arms is _his._ When she came closer to him, he caught a glimpse of the tiny bundle, the black hair and the sleeping form and something in him rose to claim her as his daughter.

"Roy." Jade's tone is all serious as his attention is captured by their daughter. "I didn't want to tell you about Lian." Lian, her name is Lian. "I hated you for what you did to me, for letting me love you that I wanted to hurt you. I wanted to keep you from her, never let you know about my pregnancy, let alone that fact that you had a daughter."

His blood runs cold at that and he wants to lash out at Jade for even considering that. Keeping his own child a secret from him would have been the worst mistake of her life.

"But," she continues, ignorant or ignoring the chill that swept over Roy, "I had no choice. She needs to stay her, with you." Her voice wavers slightly and Roy looks at her. "No one knows about her, at least, I don't think so. But…it's dangerous for me to try and raise her. I'm an assassin and I can't be a mother at the same time." She strokes Lian's cheek with a sad smile on her face. "I'm too dangerous, I have too many enemies. But you…you Roy, you're one of them. And they protect each other." She swallows thickly and looks up at Roy. There are tears in her eyes and Roy is dumbstruck. Jade doesn't show this type of emotion. Ever.

"You have to raise our daughter." She says quietly.

* * *

He's a father.

He's 20 year old and he's a father. His mind can't wrap around the concept of, Roy Harper, father. He can barely take care of himself and now he's been asked to take care of his daughter. It's beyond his comprehension and he has to tell someone. Needs to tell someone. He's shocked that he's kept this and the other bit of news that Cheshire dropped to him a secret for two weeks.

Roy calls Dick and Wally. Not Kaldur, because Kaldur has been out of sorts ever since the last mission. The Atlantean is emotionally unstable and Roy doesn't think he can handle the news that will be delivered. And he calls Artemis as an afterthought because, and the realization shocks him, Artemis is Lian's _aunt_. She deserves to know, if she doesn't already.

"You're a dad?" Wally repeats in disbelief and Roy shushes him.

"You'll wake her up, moron!" Roy hisses, listening intently for any signs of his daughter being roused from her slumber. Wally rolls his eyes but makes a mental note to keep his voice down.

"Are you sure that Cheshire isn't playing you?" Dick asks with all seriousness. Of course, always the rational one. Roy's impressed by the fact that they don't ask questions about his relationship with an assassin (though, seeing as they know it's Artemis' sister, that might soften the blow; and for Dick, knowing that Batman has a relationship with Catwoman might also help put things in perspective).

"She isn't." Artemis assures, glaring at Dick for even considering the possibility. "My sister may be an assassin, a heartless murder who would betray our dad in a heartbeat, but she's not this cruel." Her tone is final and she glares at the three men in the room.

"Okay, fine. Roy's a dad and his genes are shared by an assassin." Wally rolls his eyes. "This girl will be something to watch grow up." He jokes lightly and Roy throws a pillow at him. "All joking aside, are you really going to raise her?"

"Who else would there be?" Roy asks with a shrug.

Artemis exchanges looks with Dick and Wally. They beg her silently to be the one to state his options. "There's always Ollie, or Dinah. Hell, even my mom would be willing to raise her. Lian _is_ her granddaughter, after all."

Roy waves his hand dismissively. "No, no. Ollie doesn't know a thing about raising children, look at me." He states with a hint of bitterness. "Dinah's too wrapped up in League things and the Young Justice. And no offense to you or your mother, but…look at your family."

"Offended." She points at him. "You had sex,still _ew_, with someone from my family, thank you very much. So what does that say about you?"

"That I should raise my daughter like her mother asked me to." Roy says evenly.

"I think Roy could do it." Dick agrees and Wally and Artemis glare at him. "What?"

"Excuse us." Artemis says and she and Wally drag the raven-haired boy away from Roy's hearing range. "Are you crazy?" She hisses.

"No offense, Dick, but Artemis' question is valid. Do you honestly think Roy can handle being a _dad_ after everything?"

Dick levels them with an even look. "I think he deserves the chance to. Think about it: after everything he's been through, he deserves the chance to set himself right. His daughter could be that. All everyone's done since we've broken him out of his slumber is look down on him. He needs this more than he's going to admit."

"And if he screws up?" Artemis scowls. "That's my niece's future you're talking about jeopardizing!"

"Roy's going to make mistakes." Wally says matter of factly.

"Of course he is. All parents do." Dick tells them. "But Roy isn't going to '_screw up_'. He won't let himself do that to her. She's his redeeming light right now. And he's her father. We can't deny him that right. Besides, Cheshire could have left Lian to her mom or Artemis. There's a reason she didn't." He reasons.

That effectively shuts down the conversation and the three return to the couch where Roy has been waiting patiently. "Well, glad to see that this is resolved." He grins cheekily at the grumbles from Artemis, the shrug from Wally and the smirk from Dick. "Now, I've got one more thing to tell you: Cheshire found out why Cadmus needed my whole arm essentially."

There's a stunned silence that prompts Roy to continue.

"To manufacture a clone like Red Arrow, they needed a massive amount of genetic data to even begin to have him look like me, or act like me. I think they perfected the process after my clone, but the amount of data it would require to even copy my makeup was insane. There was also the matter of mimicking the emotional aspects of my life; they could pick up my memories using the genomorphs, but the emotional part of me? A strand of DNA would only mimic part of that."

"Wait, why didn't they just stick to cloning you like they did Superboy?" Artemis asks.

"Because. Conner was made up of two halves. He's part Kryptonian and their DNA structure is different in some areas compared to a human." Wally realizes. "To develop Red Arrow as a mole, he needed to be a perfect replica of Roy Harper. Generating a complete clone from just a strand of DNA would have been impossible, even with the help of the genomorphs." He reasons and Roy smiles to himself at Wally's usually overlooked intelligence. "By using his arm, they'd have enough aspects of his DNA to create a full human that could and would age normally while still containing aspects of Roy's personality, if albeit a bit skewered due to his objectives."

"….and they would have done that to me, Wally and Kal that day we rescued Superboy." Dick realizes with a start.

"So Red Arrow is basically you?" Artemis clarifies. "Like we didn't know that already."

"It's not that simple. It-I-" Roy sighs and gives Wally a defeated smile. "You want to explain?"

"I'll try. Technically, Red Arrow is the exact replica of Roy. But…he's also not. See, our Roy," Wally smiles at his friend, "was normal as normal could be in our line of work. But Red Arrow had a different objective: to join the Justice League and infiltrate them for Vandal Savage. So they probably had to tweak some parts of his genetic code to make him a mole while keep him unaware. And then there's the matter of his shutdown codes." Wally shrugs. "So, essentially, they're almost like twin brothers because while they look the same, there are subtle variations in their DNA that are enough to distinguish them from one another. Do you have anything to eat?"

The two guys laugh while Artemis shakes her head.

Roy lets himself relax in the presence of these three. Now that others know about his daughter, he can breathe a bit easier (all three have volunteered to baby-sit should the need arise, as it will). All he needs to do is figure out how to drop the news to Dinah and Hal…and Ollie.

He's a dad. And he couldn't be more terrified and excited at the same time.

* * *

Steel City actually only exists in DCAU, specifically , only Teen Titans universe, but I pulled it from there because I thought it fit Roy really well.

Jade's revelation to Roy is totally different in the comics and she's a lot crazier there, so I toned it down majorly in here. I hope this was an okay chapter to you guys. Things are definitely slowing down now as we near the end. Just one or two more confrontations (including the one that everyone has been wanting, even me!) and then we're done! I don't think there's too much more angst in the last chapter (the sixth chapter is an epilogue, hint hint).

Oh and "Snowbirds" is an actual song: there are a couple renditions for it, so if you want to listen to it, drop me a message and I'll send you a link to the ones I like best ;D

**Review? **  
.chary


	5. Moving Forward

**Redefining Hero **A Roy Harper Story

The real Roy Harper wakes up after three years and he's got a lot of catching up to do in a world that's strange and familiar at the same time. And he's not the only one that has to adjust. Time may have stopped, but the world has moved on. A different kind of journey that takes place for a hero that was given the short end of life and how he picks up, falters and ultimately discovers who he is a person.

A story of rediscovery in six parts.

Part 5 of 6: "Moving Forward"

**Words: **3,282  
**Notes:** Thank you so much for the alerts/subscriptions and most importantly, the REVIEWS!

This chapter does have some spoilers for Season TWO, so hopefully you've been caught up. It mentions something specifically from "Alienated".

Oh and please have a leap of faith for me regarding Clone!Roy.  
For those who watch "Fringe", a lot of the conversation in the last third was inspired in part by 3x09 "Marionette".

**Disclaimer: **See Part one!

* * *

It isn't that quitting cold turkey is difficult, it just happens to be more of a challenge than Roy originally anticipates. He knows that he can do it; he's strong enough and he has two great goals to accomplish with quitting. Roy will prove Ollie wrong, he has to. If not for his adoptive father, then for his daughter. Because Lian deserves that much; if her assassin of a mother can't raise her, then Roy won't fail her. It's not fair to her.

Roy struggles with quitting. In a city like Steel, temptation's always lurking in the shadows and turning in the source material (the drug dealers) won't do a thing because there are so many aspects of the police that is corrupt as well. Ever encounter with a dealer thrusts Roy back into his stuggles. And there are days when he feels about ready to throw in the towel and just let the demons consume him from the inside out, until all he is a hollow shell of empty promises and broken dreams.

But those are the days that he will spend time watching Liam sleep. He comes back so shattered and feeling like he's taken two steps back that he can't even recall why he keeps trying, and only recalls when he sees her face. Today is particularly horrid; he's found one dealer, a cop and a child. Sounds like the intro to a terrible joke. The child was dead. Roy stayed until the paramedics arrived, but even they couldn't discern the cause of death. It was a tossup between a drug overdose or a gunshot wound. The blood is as red as the child's hair and as he watches them cart the body away, Roy's heart clenches at the sight of the 15 year old being sent off to an early grave.

He collapses near Lian's crib, muttering and whispering her name like a dead man dying of thirst. Her gentle breaths calm something within him and where he was once lost and feeling dirty and hopeless, he now feels that shift. There's something in watching his daughter sleep that cleanses him. She's been dealt, quite possibly, one of the worst hands that life has to offer, even worse than his own. She hasn't _chosen_ to be born to two of the world's most unfit people to be parents, but that was her deal.

And he's going to help change that hand.

Her eyes blink open, sleepy, but a vivid green that catches Roy's attention quickly. He sits up as she wakes and he reaches into the crib, holding her to him. It's still mind boggling for him to know that this tiny bundle that he's cradling is _his_. Lian Harper. His graceful willow.

"My etai yazi." He whispers to her and she gurgles, reaching with her small hand for his as she falls back to sleep.

The next day, Roy accepts the offer to be a counselor at the station, corrupt as it may be. He has no credentials, no training, nothing, but the big wig at the station has found out that Roy's a recovering addict. That he's had experience grappling with drugs. And he offers Roy a chance to help others like him, only in a slightly more legal way (Roy considers Arsenal a vigilante more than anything). And in a weird twisted way, Roy has become their guiding light. He still fights with his own darkness, but he as a deeper anchor, a stronger force that's keeping him from being swept away.

Her name is Lian Harper and though she's less than a year old, she's already saved a life.

* * *

That same week, Dick and Wally call Roy and they decide to meet up for lunch at one of the nicer establishments in Steel. Roy calls Dinah to babysit, but she refers him to Donna. Roy briefly recalls their meeting years ago at his 19th birthday, but she's more than happy to oblige with the baby-sitting part. When she shows up at his door, Roy remembers immediately the effect her smile had on him. He feels like a teenager.

It's almost with reluctance that he leaves her to meet up with Dick and Wally and the first bomb they drop on him is that Kaldur has gone AWOL. Sort of. He's just quit the team and he's become stubborn and pig-headed. Dick quietly explains that the Atlantean has been that way since the mission with the Team went both wrong and right. They achieved their objective, but at the cost of Tula, whom Kaldur had harbored strong feelings for.

The mood becomes somber and then they attack Roy with the real reason they called him to lunch.

"We've been patient, Roy." Wally tells him sternly.

"So why don't you tell us what's happened?" Dick finishes, his tone brooking no argument.

Roy sighs and rubs his face with both hands. He should have known this was coming. He'd always been predicting it. But he's still not prepared to tell his friends the truth. It makes what he's done more of a reality, a reality that he's firmly prepared to leave in the past and never look back upon. Still, he knows that he owes his two close friends some semblance of the truth; he sees the hurt on their faces, barely disguised, at the fact that someone they care deeply for would leave them out of such an integral part of his life. There is no escaping out of this, and Roy thinks that maybe he doesn't want to. Telling Dick and Wally may help him in some weird, twisted way.

He sits up and begins to fiddle with his glass of water. It's cold and dripping beads of water on the side, the droplets pooling on his finger. "It started back during my hunt for Cheshire…"

At first, the story is hard to get through. He stumbles over words and sentences, his voice shakes and breaks. It's like ripping open his old wounds and pouring salt in copious amounts over it. Telling them that he succumbed to such a resort like drugs is breaking him apart on the inside. He wants to be done with that part in his life and to tell this story, about Ollie, and Hal finding him, about the words exchanged by his adoptive dad and surrogate uncle, it's like living through it all over again and that pains him deeply. It strikes into his soul and into the part of him that was slowly recovering.

When he finishes the story, there's prolonged silence at the table. And then Dick proceeds to slap him upside the head.

"You. Are such. An idiot." Wally hisses and Roy swears that he can hear the pain beneath the younger man's voice. It cuts his soul deeper. "Why didn't you just come to us?"

"Did you think we'd just shun you?" Dick asks quietly and his blue eyes are piercing into Roy and something in Roy collapses. "Did you think so lowly of us, so cheaply of our friendship that you didn't feel you could come to us?"

Roy's shoulders sag and he leans his weight onto the table. "It was never like that. But…no one had tried to contact me and I thought…I thought that Kal's words were a lie. I thought that you had replaced me." Even as he says the words, he realizes how inane they sound, but that doesn't change the fact that they hurt just as much now as they did back then.

"So your bright idea was to shoot up heroin?" Dick clarifies and there's no judgment in his voice, just a small amount of pity. "Roy, give us more credit."

"Friendship is a two way street, man. " Wally says sagely and that earns him a look from Dick. "Maybe we didn't contact you, but did you think that it wasn't because we didn't want to, but because we couldn't? And maybe…" Wally hesitates, "Maybe we didn't try because you didn't try to contact us."

It makes sense in Roy's head and he's back to berating himself on the inside, but both Dick and Wally place comforting hands on his arms. Roy looks up and he sees nothing but love on such a brotherly level that his heart clenches. "I was supposed to be strong enough to resist." He says to them.

Dick pats his arm. "Roy, we're human. We're falliable. You made a mistake. Granted, a pretty big one, but still."

"You've proved you can overcome it. You've fought it, you keep fighting and that shows that you've grown stronger." Wally adds. "It's the tenacity of the human soul and a testament to human strength."

"As for Ollie…" Dick voices the until now, unmentioned concern, "He will come around. He's stubborn and as pig-headed as you. Just give him time. Sense doesn't come easy to people like him." He says in truth. It's not to be mean, but to let Roy know that there may still be hope.

And just like that, they've forgiven him. He's still Roy in their eyes and he will always be Roy in their eyes. He's made a mistake bigger than most, but he has recovered from it, is continuing to recover. He has light, he has hope and he has purpose.

* * *

He's making breakfast for himself early Saturday morning. It feels good to do this, especially after he's come clean to Dick and Wally about what's been going on. He's…relieved that his friends have accepted his past transgressions and he's surprised that they would continue to let him in on their lives. Roy mulls over Dick's growing anxiety to break free from Batman; the arguments between the two are apparently reaching a breaking point. A big change is coming up for Dick and Roy hopes that his friend knows that he's still here for him. As for Wally; it doesn't surprise Roy that his speedster friend has decided to briefly retire from the hero life. There's only so much that someone can take and with everything as it is, Roy's supportive of Wally's decision. Oh, and that Donna girl is really, really attractive.

A knock on his door has Roy shutting off the stove and calling a quick, "I'm coming!" before rushing to answer his unannounced visitor. He has no expected visits and most of his friends usually drop a line. And if they don't, it means they're in trouble- but it's barely nine in the morning.

Roy thinks he recognizes the man at the door, but it's hard to place. They're the same height, but where Roy has blue eyes, this man has green and instead of auburn, there is blond hair and the skin is darker. Yet, something about him…..and it dawns on Roy so fast that he can't keep his jaw from dropping slightly ajar. This visitor is his clone; it doesn't look like him, but Roy knows it is. Something within him can tell, instinctively, that it is.

"Hey Roy." His clone greets and clears his throat awkwardly. "Um, can I come in?"

"Er, yeah! Sure, sure!" Roy pulls the door open and watches as his clone stolls in. "You're Red Arrow right?" He double checks.

"Yeah. But you can call me Connor. That's my name now. Connor Hawke **(1)**." He clears his throat again and stares at Roy. "Can we talk?"

Roy nods dumbly but manages to ask one more question. "How'd you get to look….well, like that?"

A small wry, grin spreads on Connor's face. "It was painful, but we, that is Tornado and Atom, managed to tweak portions of my genetic code. I don't know how they did that, and I don't want to know." He takes a seat across from Roy.

There's an awkward silence that stretches between them and the whole time, all Roy can divide his thoughts between are his daughter, who is thankfully still asleep, and his clone, who is sitting before him not looking anything like him anymore. And Roy feels that he should be relieved, should be glad, but the emotion isn't there. Instead, all he can do is feel empty and wonder what Red Arrow, now Connor Hawke, wants with him, to tell him.

Connor fidgets in his seat and exhales, leaning forward. "Look, Roy, I know that I'm not your favorite person in the world-"

"That's an understatement." Roy scoffs under his breath.

Green eyes are glaring at him and Roy shrugs it off, returning the glare with a blue eyed one of his own. "At least I'm trying. I'm acting like the adult one here and _trying_, Roy. At least I didn't go off and wallow in my depression and run away from my problems and become a junkie!"

"Oh that's so fucking _mature_ of you! And you don't know what the hell you're talking about!" Roy jumps to his feet in defense as his temper suddenly makes itself known and all the emotions he's locked and kept away from his clone are at the surface and overflowing. The dam's been broken, the floodgate's been set loose and there's no turning back from this.

"Don't I?" Connor replies coldly. "Ollie told me everything."

"Ollie knows about as much as you." He hisses and points a finger accusingly at Connor. "You just don't _get it_, do you?" Roy clenches his fists and his body trembles with suppressed rage. "You aren't me! You aren't me and they couldn't see that! And now that I'm back, you're everywhere, even after two years!" Roy grips and pulls at his hair and he's looking at anything _but_ Connor. "You-you're in my life, my 'job', my family, my friends! You've taken _everything!" _He laments with a quivering whisper.

"I'm….I'm sorry." Is all Connor can manage after a small silence.

Roy breaks. "YOU'RE SORRY? Sorry doesn't fix ANYTHING! It doesn't fix the fact that I don't have my arm anymore and you're the reason why! It doesn't fix the fact that you're a part of my life and that you. _Replaced me._" He snarls.

"You don't think that I'm affected by this too?" Connor yells back, jumping to his feet and slapping away Roy 's accusing finger. "My whole _life_ was a lie, Roy ! It doesn't' even belong to me! At least you can be comforted by the fact that you have something to take back! I. Have. _Nothing!"_

The glare intensifies. "You have them more then I do. This isn't even my life anymore. They see me and it's like I'm the fucking clone." Roy breathes deeply and heavily and grabs a picture nearby, throwing it at the wall in a fit of rage. "You took away everything like it belonged to you." He chuckles darkly, holding his head between his hands as he sinks to the ground.

In the silence, it finally sinks in for Connor. "You're not mad at me." He states. "You're hurt and I'm the only one you can find to blame because I'm the reason you feel this way. You're hurt, but, did you _ever_ think that you weren't the only one who got cut a raw deal?"

Roy gestures to his stub of an arm.

"Yeah, fine, I'm technically your arm, I get that. But _you_ know that this is your life, that this belongs to you and all you have to do is take it back. I was manufactured for a sole purpose and with that over, I have nothing left. None of this is mine, Roy!" He smiles bitterly as his 'donor' looks up at him. "Why else did you think I needed to change this?"

"You could have stayed the way you were."

"Looking like you? No thanks. I don't need a constant reminder of who I'm not." He flinches at his own bitter tone. It's not an insult to Roy, but a plea for Roy to understand his side because Roy Harper has been acting like he was the only one who's been hurt by this ordeal and he has no idea what it was like to know and be told that you weren't even your own damn person. That you were basically a body double for no other purpose then infiltration.

"Do…" Connor hesitates, "Do you know what it's like to be told that you're a clone?" he asks quietly. "That all the memories you_ have_ aren't even your own? That each event you've gone through in life is a lie because it's not yours? Every emotion that you thought you felt during those times weren't even _yours_?" he clasps his hands tightly together. "Can you even imagine knowing that everything you thought you knew was _never_ yours? That you basically _stole_ it?" His voice is so broken and shaken, so full of hurt and fear that Roy feels like he's the bad guy. Connor looks up with a hard coldness in his eyes. "You've spent enough time bitching, Roy. I think it's time for you to grow up.

And just like that, any sympathy Roy thinks he holds for his clone goes up in flames, fueled by his recurring rage. "Grow up?" Roy repeats and the bitterness is clear and he's unapologetic for it. "You want me to _grow up_?" He fixes a glare to Connor that is both full of ice and heat at the same time. "How am I supposed to do that when you've taken care of it _for_ me?"

"Oh don't even _start_ with that again!" Connor cuts off violently. "What don't you get? You have a chance to take back your life if you just _woke up_! Stop wallowing in your self-pity! I stole your life and I'm trying to give it back!" Connor yells exasperatedly. "Why don't you stop and think about how I felt when I discovered I had essentially stolen a _life_?"

Every part of Roy doesn't _want_ to understand. It's so much easier to keep acting as if he's the only one wronged in the scenario because he understands that pain, can work through it. But the moment he accepts that Connor is as much as victim as he is, then the scenario becomes less black and white and too many shades of gray. There is a part of Roy that understand too painfully and to fully what Connor has been trying to articulate, and that part begins to seep to the rest of him, weighs down so heavily in his bones and in his psyche that Roy just feels exhausted. He's so tired of fighting this battle and wrestling with his soul and his conscience. He knows what it's been trying to tell him but Roy feels that he's spent so long fighting that he just feels broken.

And lost. So, so horribly _lost_.

More lost than he felt after waking up to this life in the first place.

Silence reigns the living room and it's thick, wrought with tension. Not between each other any longer, but within themselves. Each of them has traveled a journey of their their own. Both have perceived theirs as tougher than the other's. Both are wrong. Roy and Connor have suffered silently on their own and have gone through their own catharses. It is not the same as each other's and one is not tougher than the other's because they are not the same. They may share the same DNA, but they are not the same. They have walked different paths and thus, their journeys have differed, as have their individual trials.

When Roy locks eyes with Connor, there are two emotions evident between them: acceptance and understanding.

And somewhere, the brokenness inside Roy feels like it's slowly beginning to heal.

* * *

**_PLEASE REVIEW_.** I like when my subscription alerts match up to my reviews.

(1) Connor Hawke: In comic!canon, Connor is Ollie's legitimate son and is blond and green eyed. He doesn't find out until wayyyyy later that he's Ollie's son, though Ollie knows before hand. Connor becomes the second "Green Arrow". I'm pretty sure he's older than Roy.

Oh and true story: I wrote this last third, regarding Roy and Red Arrow, before "Salvage" came out.  
I would just like to say: I semi-predicated all of "Salvage" regarding Roy and Wally and Lian and stuff. Just saying. ;D

Up next: THE LAST PART. THE EPILOGUE.

.chary


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